July 14,

Yall it is already past half a year. I'm apologizing to myself for not writing anymore since the 1st January lol. I've ended my degree life, already got the result of my final. I don't calculate my CGPA yet but I really hope I can pass for second class degree (yall that is the only thing i can do). Thank you to many parties, I also have successfully sent my hardbound (I dont even have a copy for myself) and got an A for my research which I also hope can help me with my CGPA. The last paper was on 2nd June, meaning I've been officially a penganggur for a month and a half. 

My parents and I went back to Cyber to pick up my stuffs. Then, we celebrated raya together with angah and acik. Since then, my job is to be a driver for my siblings to go to classes, which I have to go out like 2-3 time per day because each one of them have their own classes. The girls came to Terengganu for vacation *excited* and I got to experience snorkeling for the first time. Then, we get to raya together to teachers' houses cause it is like a thing that we have to do every year, and I guess this year is the last time we gonna do that. Everyone is gonna busy with their own life after this, so no expectation. And people, now I strongly believe that to move on, you have to like, totally remove them from your life. Because to meet (after you tell yourself that you've moved on) and assuring yourself that meeting him is nothing, I feel like I'm lying to myself.

I can say I'm in a phase of 'Im-so-tired-with-everything-when-actually-I've-done-nothing'. Like, first. I've always know that managing a house is not easy at all. But PLUS when there is no one that give cooperation to even help themselves. Ugh. My schedule everyday is to wake up, send my sisters to school, then send my brothers to their work, do dishes, vacuum the whole house, tidy up my own room, do laundry and folding the so infinity clothes, bathe the kitten, give the cats food, throw their shit, teach my sisters math and science, and homework and repeat that everyday. Taking care of a child is hard enough let alone 7 children and have to get to work to earn money. My parents get it harder. Damn. Adulting is difficult. Plus, expectation form people around you, and you trying to please everyone is draining. And and with me overthinking every single thing about him for the past 2 years.............. I dont want to say that i am stupid, again.

Enough with negativity (this is why i don't write). 

Next week, I'm going to work as babysitter, which I have to stay at their house. I hope my experience as kak long help me this time. Now I am waiting for my transcript to be endorsed so I can settle everything important and continue with my PRP, insyaAllah. 

I miss my girlfriends and I really want to stop overthinking things. I don't really write personal stuff here but I guess whoever read this doesn't really care at all, so yeah. 

ps: I tried to buy a baby figure of JB but it was sold out hbaddhfbahjbcjha I feel sad.